Living in Fear
It is often said that the first steps away from your abuser are the hardest you'll ever take and making the decision to take those steps is probably one of the hardest decision any victim ever makes. Why many people ask there are a myriad of reasons and they are as varied as the victims themselves are but one of the biggest reasons can be found in this statics: according to the NNEDV an abuse victim that flees their abuser is 75% more likely to be severely hurt or killed by their abuser. Think about that. A victim lives in constant fear when living with their abuser but they are often times able to read the signs. They know the cycle and the triggers and can prepare for the outcome. Once you leave you don't know if and when your abuser will find you but the likelihood is they will find you.
Case and point this article my good friend Joy sent me from MSN.
N.C. woman lives in fear after ex-husband freed
I tend to be fairly native despite my own survival story. Like many of us I think much like the defense attorney in the article that the past is the past and I've moved on so so have they. So after 13 years had let my guard down. I felt safe. There had been no contact of any kind in years and then my past knocked on my door in the form of my ex-husbands wife via facebook. It is the reason I have blocked access to my family blog, the reason I have made my facebook private and the reason why so many women return or never leave their abusers. There is safety in the known. But there is another option it is called vigilance. Not just on the part of the victims but on the part of neighbors and friends. We need to be aware of our surroundings. We need to watch for things and people that don't belong and we need to not be afraid to make a call.
The reality is a restraining order is only as good as the person it is taken out against. If they decide to ignore it the likelihood is the police won't get there in time especially if no one ever makes the call to let them know they need to come. So as you go about your daily rituals keep you eyes open and speak up don't allow another victim to live in fear alone and don't let another abuser think that you are OK with what is going on b/c failing to speak up says more than you realize.
Case and point this article my good friend Joy sent me from MSN.
N.C. woman lives in fear after ex-husband freed
I tend to be fairly native despite my own survival story. Like many of us I think much like the defense attorney in the article that the past is the past and I've moved on so so have they. So after 13 years had let my guard down. I felt safe. There had been no contact of any kind in years and then my past knocked on my door in the form of my ex-husbands wife via facebook. It is the reason I have blocked access to my family blog, the reason I have made my facebook private and the reason why so many women return or never leave their abusers. There is safety in the known. But there is another option it is called vigilance. Not just on the part of the victims but on the part of neighbors and friends. We need to be aware of our surroundings. We need to watch for things and people that don't belong and we need to not be afraid to make a call.
The reality is a restraining order is only as good as the person it is taken out against. If they decide to ignore it the likelihood is the police won't get there in time especially if no one ever makes the call to let them know they need to come. So as you go about your daily rituals keep you eyes open and speak up don't allow another victim to live in fear alone and don't let another abuser think that you are OK with what is going on b/c failing to speak up says more than you realize.
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