Startling Stats!

This week I was made a State Action Leader for the MADE organization. The MADE organization is a grassroots group comprised of Parents, Community Leaders and Bussiness Partners, like Liz Claiborne, The Joyful Heart Foundation, Seventeen and RedBook working to end dating violence especially among our teens and tweens. Yes I said tweens.

Here are some of the startling and scary stats I was emailed as a State Action Leader in reference to tweens.

• Dating relationships and dating violence and abuse start by age 11, much earlier than expected.
  · Nearly three in four tweens (72%) say boyfriend/girlfriend relationships usually begin at age 14 or younger.
  · More than one in three 11-12 year olds (37%) say they have been in a relationship.
  
• Early dating with sexual activity appears to fuel extremely high levels of dating violence and abuse during the teen years.
  11-14 year olds in relationships report surprising, significant levels of abusive behavior in dating relationships.
  · One in four tweens (24%) say dating violence—physically hurting relationship partners—is a serious problem for people their age.
  · Nearly half of all tweens in relationships (47%) say they know friends who have been verbally abused (called stupid, worthless, ugly, etc.) by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
  · One in five 13-14 year olds in relationships (20%) say they know friends and peers who have been struck in anger (kicked, hit, slapped, or punched) by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  · More than a third of tweens in relationships (36%) know friends and peers their age who have been pressured by a boyfriend/girlfriend to do things they didn’t want to do.
  · Two in five 11-14 year olds in relationships (41%) know friends who have been verbally abused—called names, put down, or insulted—via cellphone, IM, social networking sites (like MySpace and Facebook), etc.
  · Still, half of all tweens (49%) didn’t claim to know the warning signs of a bad/hurtful tween-dating relationship.
  
  Significant numbers of teens are experiencing emotional and mental abuse and violence in their dating relationships; this is even more alarming among teens who have had sex by the age of 14.
  
• For the first time, data has revealed an alarming correlation between early sexual experiences and teen dating violence and abuse.
  Sex is considered by tweens and parents to be part of a relationship for 11-14 year old kids!
  · More than one in four kids and parents say sexual activity is part of boyfriend-girlfriend relationships for tweens.
  27% of tweens and 26% of parents say oral sex is part of relationships for that age group.
  28% of tweens said having sex (going all the way) is a normal part of relationships for their age.
  More than one in four kids and parents say sexual activity is part of boyfriend-girlfriend relationships for tweens.
  · But, when it comes to their own, only 7% of parents believe that their 11-14 year old has gone further than kissing or making out.Only 11% of parents report that their son’s/daughter’s friends/peers have had sex (gone all the way).
  
  A third of all 11-14 year old kids in relationships report that sexual behavior is evident among their friends.
  · Nearly one-third of tweens in relationships (31%) say they know friends and peers who have had oral sex.
  · One in three tweens who are in relationships (33%) say they know friends/peers who have had sex (gone all the way).
  
• Nearly half of teen girls who have been in a relationship (48%) say they have been victims of verbal, physical, or sexual abuse by their boyfriends.
  Among all teens who had sex by age 14, 69% report having gone through one or more types of abuse in a relationship.
  · Among all teens age 15-18, one in ten (10%) indicate they have been physically abused by an angry partner (kicked, punched, choked, slapped, or hit).
  By contrast, an alarming one out of three teens who had sex by age 14 (33%) say they have endured such beatings.
  · More than one in three teens report that their partners wanted to know where they were (36%) and who they were with (37%) all the time.
  Among teens who had sex by age 14, it’s much higher (58% and 59%, respectively).
  · 29% of teens say their boyfriends/girlfriends call them names and put them down, compared to 58% of teens who had sex by age 14.
  · 22% of teens say they were pressured to do things they did not want to do, compared to 45% of teens who had sex by age 14.
  · 24% of teens in a relationship said their boyfriends/girlfriends called them stupid, worthless, and ugly compared to 45% of teens who had sex by age 14.
  
  
• Parents think they know what’s up, but many don’t have any idea.
  · More than three times as many tweens (20%) as parents (6%) admit that parents know little or nothing about the tweens’ dating relationships.
  Twice as many tweens report having “hooked up” with a partner (17%) as parents reported of their own 11-14 year old child (8%).
  · Parents are largely unaware of the reality of tween dating abuse.
  Only 12% of parents (compared with 23% of tweens) know someone their son’s/daughter’s age who has had a boyfriend/girlfriend threaten to spread rumors about them if he/she didn’t do what the other person wanted.
  One in four parents (24% - compared with 40% of all tweens) know someone their son’s/daughter’s age who has been called names or put down by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
  Only 22% of parents (compared with 36% of all tweens) know someone their son’s/daughter’s age who has been verbally abused (called stupid, worthless, ugly, etc.) by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
  · Abuse via tech-devices is much more prevalent than most parents realize.
  Nearly twice as many tweens as parents know someone between the ages of 11-14 who has been checked up on by calling their cell phone more than 10 times per day (15% parents vs. 28% tweens) or texting them more than 20 times per day (13% parents vs. 24% tweens).

As a parent this TERRIFIES ME!!!! It unfortunately, however doesn't surprise me. I know too many survivors of too many ages. I know teen girls and boys who have felt pressured into doing more than they felt they were ready for and regretting the outcome. I know too many parents afraid to or unsure how to have these difficult conversations with the kids.

I'm a mom of a 14 year old and an 11 year old. I'm not not a perfect mom but I am the worlds meanest, most annoying, aggravating and nosy mom (I'm waiting for my trophies).
I'm in their lives constantly chaperoning their events, getting to know their friends, on their facebook (JT wasn't allowed to get one unless I knew the password and was made a friend and I'm on it almost as much as he is) , in their email and reading their text messages. I'm in their business I feel as a parent that is my job. I know as a survivor if I am paying attention it will alert me to warning signs much faster. Unfortunately too many parents think my kids need their privacy (we tell our kids privacy is a privilege) it can't happen to my kid (the stats prove otherwise) or don't know what to do if it is happening to their kid (that is where organization like loveisnotabuse.org and MADE come in to help). We all want our kids to be safe, feel loved and grow up to be independent well adjusted adults. Our job as parents is to help them get there and we do that by staying involved even when it is hard, even when they fight us and even when they want to hide the truth from us. We are their advocate and their protector even when we have to protect them from themselves.
This is your rally cry: STEP UP!! GET INVOLVED! If you aren't sure how contact me I'll send you the links or go to MADE sign up and let them help you. Whatever you do DO SOMETHING!!!! B/c the world is a pretty scary place for your kids to be navigating alone.