The Hows, Why and Helps of Teen Dating

Many parents, teachers and teens themselves wonder how violence can happen and they not know about it. Wonder how they can help those in an unhealthy relationship or wonder what they can to do to prevent it from happening to themselves or others.
Below are a series of hows, whys and what to do that can help you help the teens in your life have healthy happy dating experiences.

Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers typically:
are inexperienced with dating relationships.
are pressured by peers to act violently.
want independence from parents.
have "romantic" views of love.

Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others.

Young men may believe:
they have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
"masculinity" is physical aggressiveness
they "possess" their partner.
they should demand intimacy.
they may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

Young women may believe:
they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic."
abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused.
there is no one to ask for help.

Teenagers can choose better relationships when they learn to identify the early warning signs of an abusive relationship, understand that they have choices, and believe they are valuable people who deserve to be treated with respect.

Early warning signs that your date may eventually become abusive:
Extreme jealousy
Controlling behavior
Quick involvement
Unpredictable mood swings
Alcohol and drug use
Explosive anger
Isolates you from friends and family
Uses force during an argument
Shows hypersensitivity
Believes in rigid sex roles
Blames others for his problems or feelings
Cruel to animals or children
Verbally abusive
Abused former partners
Threatens violence

Common clues that indicate a teenager may be experiencing dating violence:
Physical signs of injury
Truancy, dropping out of school
Failing grades
Indecision
Changes in mood or personality
Use of drugs/alcohol
Pregnancy
Emotional outburst
Isolation

From the Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence newsletter, Winter 1999

Help is available for teenagers
If you are a teenager involved in an abusive relationship, you need to remember that no one deserves to be abused or threatened. Remember you cannot change your batterer, and in time the violence will get worse. You need to take care of yourself. Talk to a trusted adult or locate a shelter or agency serving victims of domestic abuse in your community. Together, you can talk about making a plan to end the relationship and remain safe.Call the Alabama Domestic Violence 24-hour hotline, 1-800-650-6522. Help is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Information adapted in part from the Rose Haven Center for Domestic Violence in Gadsden (AL).

More Help
loveisrespect.org is a new 24 hour resource that utilizes telephone and web-based interactive technology to reach teens and young adults experiencing dating abuse. The Helpline numbers are: (866) 331-9474 and TTY (866) 331-8453. The peer to peer online individual chat function is available from 4 p.m. to midnight and can be accessed from the website.


Dating Safety

-Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person.
-Before leaving on a date, know the exact plans for the evening and make sure a parent or friend knows these plans and what time to expect you home. Let your date know that you are expected to call or tell that person when you get in.
-Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
-If you leave a party with someone you do not know well, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom. Ask a friend to call and make sure you arrived home safely.
-Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.
-Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation.

From the Domestic Violence Advocacy Program of Family Resources, Inc.


Safety Planning for Teens
-You should think ahead about ways to be safe if you are in a dangerous or potentially dangerous relationship. Here are some things to consider in designing your own safety plan.
-What adults can you tell about the violence and abuse?
-What people at school can you tell in order to be safe--teachers, principal, counselors, security?
-Consider changing your school locker or lock.
-Consider changing your route to/from school.
-Use a buddy system for going to school, classes and after school activities.
-What friends can you tell to help you remain safe?
-If stranded, who could you call for a ride home?
-Keep a journal describing the abuse.
-Get rid of or change the number to any beepers, pagers or cell phones the abuser gave you.
-Keep spare change, calling cards, number of the local shelter, number of someone who could help you and restraining orders with you at all times.
-Where could you go quickly to get away from an abusive person?
-What other things can you do?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Talking Sexting with your Kids

Image
You MUST Talk about Sexting with Your Kids by Lori Getz Monday, February 8, 2010 from http://www.momlogic.com/ A recent momlogic survey uncovered some interesting yet not surprising results: Teens are sexting, and parents didn't have a clue. The results are astounding! A full 44% of teens said they have been involved in a sexting incident (either as the sender or the recipient of the image). However, less than a quarter of their parents knew about the situation prior to taking the momlogic challenge ! The majority of teens surveyed believe that sexting is just part of being a teenager. One teen (in a separate interview) went so far as to call it a "rite of passage." Overall, teens do not see sexting as a big deal or as having long-term consequences. Of those teens who admitted to sexting , only 38 percent reported knowing that sexting could lead to becoming a registered sex offenders, and only 1 in 5 teens believe that sexting is being sexually active! "It's pre...
Read more

Relavent Redbook Articles

Image
Check out these VERY relavent and eye opening article from Redbook magazine Invisible Violence By Whitney Joiner Domestic abuse isn't only about broken limbs and bruises. Many women suffer from daily belittling, verbal assault, and emotional battery that are every bit as damaging — and equally unacceptable. You May Think Domestic Violence Has Nothing to Do with You By Liz Welch That's exactly what these four people thought — until the day they found out someone close to them was being abused. The fact is, one in three Americans knows someone who has been in a violent relationship within the last year -- what they choose to do with that knowledge could help bring this epidemic to an end. Yes, You Can Stop Violence Against Women By Rebecca Davis It's unanimous: We all want violence against women to stop. In fact, nine out of 10 women said that ending domestic violence and sexual assault should be the top priority for a new women's movement (according to the Center for the...
Read more

Dating Violence..... My story

Image
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month and this is my story of survival....... He was 6’2 and looked like he belonged on the walls of Abercrombie and Fitch with his wavy espresso colored hair, milk chocolate eyes, and rock-hard abs. He was affectionate, funny, smart, quick-witted, and dating me! For two years I was part of the “perfect high school couple.” You know, the kind they use to sell shampoo, teeth whitening strips, zit cream--anything that will make life as a teen better than it, supposedly, already is. The truth, however, was far different than the picture we were selling. In reality, my picture-perfect boyfriend was mean, demanding, abusive, and no one knew. Not even me, at least not until years later when I learned what dating violence was. Dating violence, or relationship abuse, is defined as a pattern of abusive behavior used against a girlfriend or boyfriend. It can be physical, such as hitting or kicking, verbal or emotional, including constant...
Read more